Monkey Branching in Partnership: What Is It All About?

A new term from the world of dating and relationships is making the rounds on the internet. Monkey branching sounds cute, but it’s actually nasty. It means that someone is still in a committed relationship but is already looking for another partner at the same time.

Monkey branching. The image that comes to mind says it all: a monkey swinging from branch to branch or vine to vine without letting go of the previous one. It only lets go of one when it has the next one in its grasp. That is precisely the principle behind monkey branching. Someone is still in a relationship but is already building something new at the same time. Just as the monkey doesn’t want to fall out of the tree, the person concerned creates a safety net, a backup, so to speak, in order to move seamlessly from one relationship to the next.

How does monkey branching happen?

It’s usually a gradual process. Signs emerge that a relationship is slowly falling apart. One of the partners already has it in mind that they want to end it in the near future. But they shy away from being upfront and making a clean break, preferring to build a new relationship behind the scenes. When the relationship does eventually end, the person involved has already distanced themselves emotionally to such an extent that they no longer feel any real pain. After all, they already have a backup plan in place. It is often only the partner who has been left behind who is shocked by the whole situation. They are presented with a fait accompli. To stick with the monkey metaphor, they are the vine that is let go of out of nowhere.

Selfish, opportunistic, manipulative

How does this behavior come about? People often talk about a narcissistic dynamic that is characterized by maintaining control and securing one’s own ego with the help of a “vine,” i.e., a safety line. This is intended to prevent the person affected from being exposed to the insecurity or vulnerability of possible loneliness. After all, the new partnership is already waiting in the wings. Or there may even be several options that are being kept warm at the same time. The needs of the partner in the existing relationship and the breach of trust caused by secretly establishing new partnerships are negated. The only thing that counts is satisfying one’s own need for security and validation.

Signs of monkey branching

You’ve been sensing for a while that something isn’t right in your relationship. But you don’t dare to say it out loud and confront your partner with your suspicions. Maybe you’re wrong and you could be accusing them unfairly. That’s why we’ve put together a few warning signs that could indicate your partner is Monkey-Branching.

• Too many secrets: Your partner suddenly hides their cell phone from you and deletes messages from their chat apps. They keep their social media activities a secret and leave you out of the loop.
• New best friends: Suddenly, there are people your partner isn’t allowed to meet. Yet they already play such an important role that they are involved in almost all emotional issues.
• Lack of communication: There are fewer and fewer conversations between the partners. Emotional distance grows, as does absence in everyday life. Too much work. Business trips. Girls’/guys’ nights out.
• Rejection of future planning: When it comes to shared plans and the future, these are treated rather vaguely or rejected altogether. They are no longer interesting because the partner is already preparing for a new start internally.
• Conflict avoidance: Conversations about problems are avoided, while emotional closeness to someone else develops in the background.
• External changes: Suddenly, more attention is paid to styling or even changing it. New hobbies and routines take up more space. Often, the “new option” is behind this.

What can those affected do?

If you suspect that your partner is monkey branching, you should definitely find the words to talk openly with them. It is important to express how you feel honestly—without getting lost in accusations. If you constantly feel insecure or even replaced, this is a warning sign that should not be ignored. Then it is time to decide whether you want to continue this type of relationship.

To gain some distance or see the situation with fresh eyes, it can be helpful to confide in friends or seek professional counseling. In such a situation, it is primarily important to protect yourself and make decisions for your own well-being. Whether that means holding on to the relationship or letting it go.